You, and Me, and Us

by Rusty Vining

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about

This album is based on the on-going conversations I've been having with God over the past couple years about a great many things including my doubts, pride, fears, failures, and anxieties.

It's also about honesty and being open about your weaknesses and failures. I feel like when we drag these things out into the open we disarm their power over us, and also let others who suffer from the same things find a solace in knowing they're not alone.

I think there is a bit of a motif of innocence lost and a desire to regain it as well throughout the tracks.

With that said, I hope each of you glean your own unique prospective from the album and that it speaks to whatever context you live in somehow. My hope is that the "You's" and "Me's" in our lives fade and the "Us" becomes more significant. I hope that eventually we will see that though our own journeys take us different places and create unique situations, that within our spirits we are an "Us." We have a shared internal experience of pride, shame, regret, anxiety, etc. I also hope that we begin to feel the "Us" emerge in our spiritual journey as we wrestle with the pursuit of an unfathomable creator we cannot see who is wrapped in mysteries we cannot conceive. May we one day address and think of our creator in familial way as we would a friend or family member.

God Bless,
-Rusty

credits

released October 13, 2014

Recorded by: Rusty Vining
All instruments and vocals by: Rusty Vining
Words and Music: Rusty Vining

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Rusty Vining Grand Rapids, Michigan

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Track Name: Ocean
I've been a little too concerned about the way I feel
And I start forgetting what is real
Until you stripped away my last defense
I wasn't always the way I am
I tell myself I was dealt a rotten hand
I guess it might be time to stop playing games

I'm tired of loving You haphazardly
I want it all. What You've got for Me.
I'm tired of just saying, "I am free"
I want to feel a change. I want to believe.

I'm still a slave to the pillow and plate
I've got a heart full of love and a mouth full of hate
Seasoned well with overwhelming guilt
And they say that forgiveness is never far
But I stopped looking, wondering where You are
These days I just expect You not to show

But I'm tired of living in the shadow of the past
I want to be here. Taste what this moment has.
It's been years since the last time I exhaled
I'm so afraid someone will see I failed

Oh! Letting go
Is the hardest thing I know
Next to reaping what you sow
I want to forget
Everything that I've been told
Your love's the only thing I really know

I've got a little bit of faith and I hope it's enough
If You're sleeping down below the water's getting rough
And I'm not sure how much longer I can stay afloat

I never love You enough when the sea is calm
And the dry land makes the sailor's heart numb
But when you start making waves I'm overcome.
Track Name: Safety
I'm still with You in my mind
Though the memory's fading all the time
And I forget that there's still so much left to see
And You begin right at the end of Me

When I could not find You I was crushed
And hope became ambiguous
I wasn't holding Your hand
I was walking in Your dust
And now I wonder what's become of Us

I wanted things
You would never give
The guarantee of safety
And a care-free life to live

And You tried to set me free
But I ran and hid from Your light
So You chewed Me up and spit Me out
But I won't put up a fight
If you come with all your roaring
And devour me tonight

This desert wasteland's been unkind
To my thirsty soul and doubtful mind
I keep seeing Your mirage
I'm following footprints in the sand
But somehow I know this is not the end

Now I don't want anything
But what You have to give
To live this life is You
And to die is to live

And You tried to set me free
But I ran and hid from Your light
So You chewed Me up and spit Me out
But I won't put up a fight
If you come with all your roaring
And devour me tonight

Everything that happens is by Your design
Every moment of My life is Your perfect time

We're clay in Your hands
Fear and wonder, breath and dust
But You made Sons and Daughters out of Us
Track Name: There's A Lion In The Land
Will i ever be content here
Where it's just You and Me?
I've got no one to impress
I've got no where to be
Will I ever be satisfied
With your jealous love
Will the freedom to lay down my guns
Ever be enough

Cause I've got war inside my heart
It's a bloody, awful mess
Full of bones that I collect
On the path of righteousness
I lock them in my cellar
Where the darkness hides my grief
And the memory is gone
And the tale is foreign to me

But you keep showing up where You're not wanted
And I keep thinking that this house is haunted

You won't let me sleep
On a mattress stuffed with all the secrets that I keep
You won't let me be
Anything except this mess you're making me

Will I ever let this millstone fall to the ground
It seems I've always been just dragging it around
You said the war was over
But there's so much blood on my hands
I don't know if I can go back to my life again

Cause you keep bringing up the things I'm running from
And opening the same old wounds
When I'd forgotten them

You won't let me sleep
On a mattress stuffed with the secrets that I keep
You won't let me be
Anything except this mess you're making me

There's a lion in the land
He holds my soul in the palm of His hand
All that I've lost
All of my demands
All mean nothing
There's a lion in the land

Will I ever be content here where it's just You and Me?
Track Name: The World Was Light
When you came to me I said,
"Let me bury all my dead.
Let me mourn for all I'll soon have lost."

You said, "There's nothing here for You.
Just look at what I've brought You through.
You've got to lighten your load
If you're carrying a cross."

Oh my God! I'm so small
Oh my God! I'm afraid of everything

But if You could stand to see the scars
I would let You have my heart
But there's a part of You I feel like I don't know
And there's a little boy inside
Who wants to run and hide
But He's needing just to be held in Your arms

I can hear those old church hymns
But the sound is growing faint and thin
There's so much chaos circling 'round my head

Oh my God! I'm so tired
Oh my God! I'm disappointed by everything

But if you could stand to hear Me cry
I would weep away the night
But I'm afraid to face the darkness in My soul
It's getting easier to turn away
I see so much pain every day
That I don't even feel it anymore

Some mornings I think I hear a song from long ago
Then in a moment it is gone and I don't know where it goes

When you came to me again
You were like an old familiar friend
Maybe you could set me free again